Maternal Envy – Part One

Long before the approach of separation in cases of intimate terrorism is a phenomena that eats away at the core of her very being.  Some call it Maternal Alienation, but I feel that there is an even deeper aspect that is underlying the very structure of it.  Many times before survivors have been able to name the jealousy that eats away at the ones they tried to love and easily interpret how male family members and even some friends were seen as a threat to these green eyed monsters, but rarely have we delved into the core of why these men stalk through the courts seeking to rob mothers of their children with such destructivity and ferocity.  In the book of “Men and Masculinities” it creates an accurate picture of the envy that some fathers feel towards the bond between a mother and her child.

Intimate partner terrorists already expressing jealousy towards her achievements, friendships and talents, feels an overwhelming rage over this new bond.  For the first time, he has no control over her and her relationship.  The love and attention that pours into her baby within the first few months are often always more as his role in the spotlight diminishes.  So to regain the control over these relationships, he indulges in his efforts to sever this new bond.  Often the first choice is to conquer this new life and seek this child’s unconditional love and obedience.  Love in his world is complete submission to all his unworldly desires.  If the child is a boy, he will dominate his education in the next generation of perpetrators.  In his world, the boy must learn to see his mother as “below him”.  Displaying tyranny in front of the boy is the education that the intimate terrorist begins to teach, so he will learn that he must like his father, to cage these “wild women” to conform to his every need.